I could be the perfect mom, and yet..

Well I know it has been awhile since I have written anything.  I really just have so many other things to spend my time on that blogging was not a priority for me.  But this was something that I have been thinking about a lot, and I felt that I wanted to share it with my other Christian moms out there.

I was thinking a lot about what I could do to be a better parent and I had two pictures rise in my mind.  They happened to be pictures of two sets of our friends who have very different parenting styles.  I felt that they were they opposite ends of the parenting spectrum.  The first set of friends I would put on the disciplinarian side of the spectrum.  They are very structured and probably the most consistent parents I have ever seen!  The really value discipline and instruction.  Their kids know what is acceptable and what isn't and that they will be punished on the first time of disobedience.  The other set of friends are much more permissive. They are not too concerned with having "rules" for the house.  They are very compassionate and really value teaching theirs kids how to express their feelings and how to be themselves.  Really I could go down the list of how different these two sets of friends are in just about all of their parenting priorities, but you get the picture!

So here I was looking at these two opposite parenting styles and I found myself somewhere in the middle (which is probably where most moms are). I really value emotional health in parents and kids and I know feelings play a vital role in our lives and should not be ignored.  I also really believe in teaching our kids about authority through proper disciple.  Our kids will always be under authority their whole life, whether it be God, a boss, a spouse, a teacher, etc.  I feel it is important for our kids to learn how to respect and obey authority because it will help them in the long run.  But my problem was that I thought maybe I need to be more one way than the other.  Maybe I was harming my kids by not being more compassionate.  Or maybe they needed more discipline?  What was it?  I think as moms we are always living under great pressure to be "the best".  I think most of us live under a fear of doing (or not doing) something that will leave our child hurt or wounded.  Are we damaging them somehow?  I think it is our greatest fear as moms.  As I sat thinking about how maybe my kids were suffering from me not being able to go to one side of this spectrum or the other, I had a thought that changed everything for me.  I could be the perfect parent and never do anything wrong and my kids would still need Jesus to be whole.  Read that again...   It was something I had known but somehow it had not really gotten in to my heart.  I could have the most emotionally healthy kids around, and they would still need Jesus.  My kids could be respectful and obedient and they would still need Jesus.   I spent so much effort trying to protect and "save" my kids from so many things before I realized that I can't succeed at that, but Jesus can.  I spent so much time trying to be perfect not realizing that my kids don't need me to be perfect, they need Jesus who already is perfect.  I finally saw that the best thing I can give my kids is Jesus.  I realized that even these other parents who are so much better and certain things than I am, their kids will need Jesus too if they ever want to be truly whole.  My kids will have other hurts and pains in life that I did not cause but I cannot heal those for them.  Only Jesus can. 

It was something so simple that I should have known, but I never fully grasped it till now.  Once it sunk in, all that pressure to be perfect vanished.  I accepted that I will do my best and it won't be perfect.  But I will do what I can to lead my kids to Jesus who will be the healer of their hearts as he had to be the healer of mine.  I accepted that no matter how great a mom I am Jesus is greater and He will be there for my kids in ways I never can be.  So when my daughter struggles with perfectionism i will tell her of the grace Jesus has for us.  When my other daughter struggles with selfishness or anger  i will tell her about the compassion and forgiveness of Jesus.  I cannot fix those wounds, but i will show them the One who can.  Moms if we can get this in our hearts I guarantee that it will free us in so many ways, and our kids will truly be whole and healthy in the arms of Jesus.