Being a stay at home mom had always been something I wanted to do. My mom stayed at home and she really showed me the value of it and she encouraged me to do the same. My husband and I were very intentional to arrange our life in a way that would allow me to stay home with our kids. Now any stay at home mom knows how hard of a job it actually is. No leisure days with Bon bons that's for sure. I honestly don't think it always feels that rewarding when your kids are small. Sure there are blessings along the way, but I think the rewards come later in life once you see the fruit of your hard work in your kids.
There are a lot of challenges to being a stay at home mom. We have society telling us that women need to fulfill there own dreams and desires first, then find a way to fit family into that. There is pressure to "do something" or "be someone" other than just a mom. The way of self sacrifice is never easy, but being a mom who chooses to give up her own pursuits for a time so that she can give that time to her children is a beautiful thing. I believe God made women to find their greatest fulfillment in the role of wife and mother. Now of course there are women who can't stay home for whatever reason (single parent, financial problems, etc.). I am in no way implying that they are bad mothers. So please do not misunderstand me.
Another challenge that some stay at home moms face is the boredom (for lack of a better word) that comes with being in the same place doing the same thing day after day. They long for some kind of change or some freedom for a little while. Now I will be very honest. I too have longed for this freedom from responsibility, but I feel that my greatest struggle with being a stay at home mom is quite different than this. I always felt a pressure to be doing things or going places. Surely I should be going to ballet and soccer and some church function every other day right? And if I don't have 3 play dates a week my kids will end up being unsocial won't they? Forget that my oldest is only 3 we need to be busy busy! I could some up the pressure this way... "Being a stay at home mom is good, but to be a really good stay at home mom you had better be so busy with activities that your not ever really home. Keep up your social life and make sure kids have a social life too!"
My husband and I have tried to arrange our life to be as unhurried as possible. We want to live simply, but this seems to fly in the face of our society, even in the church. Most of the stay at home moms i knew were always doing things and going places. My life at home looked so different from theirs that i thought maybe i was doing something wrong at first! When I was pregnant with our second child I had begun to pull out of all the various ministries I was involved in. When I was about 6 months pregnant I had finally pulled out of all my ministry responsibilities. It was only a few weeks later that I was asked to help out in a different ministry area. The phrase they used was "since your not doing anything else...". I thought "that is exactly the point!" If I truly want to focus on my kids I can't be doing tons of extra things. I felt a pressure to be always doing something else than just staying home.
Now I know that some of this is my personality. I prefer to stay home than be going tons of places, but it is also intentional. I want to be in our home majority of the time especially when my kids are little. Home is where I the parent have the time to teach, train, and discipline. I want to be my kids primary instructor in life, but that will only happen if we have a solid relationship together and that relationship takes lots of time to develop. There is always time later for activities, but if you miss the time to create a lasting relationship, you can't get that back. There is nothing wrong with getting out of the house, or going to see friends, play sports, etc. I just think these things should not consume the majority of our time with our kids.
So when the pressure comes to go go go, I have to remind myself that it is ok to live slowly and simply. God loves me even if my kids aren't in 4 different sports at once. And then when the feeling of needing some freedom comes, we will find creative ways to get out and have fun. In our family it isn't about balance, but about focus. Choose wisely where you want to spend your time. It is time you can never get back.
For those moms who read this I would love to hear some of your stories/struggles of motherhood. Feel free to leave a comment!
