Before I begin this post I just want to make one thing clear. As I venture into the realm of parenting I know many people may not agree with me. Parenting is a very touchy issue for whatever reason. So again these are only my opinions that I have formed during my time as a mother and from talking with other mothers. Feel free to disagree but please keep an open mind. I encourage you to do your own research and find what others are saying as well. Remember it should be about what is best for our kids.
Being a new mom can be scary and challenging at times. I am sure we have all received advice about what to do with our babies, some good, some not so good. As I reflect back on the advice I have heard given to me and to others there seems to be 3 that are becoming more common. They are let your baby cry themselves to sleep, put baby on a feeding schedule, and get some time out of the house away from baby. Now I think all of these things have a place in parenting at some point, but I do not think that place is in the first few weeks or months after baby is born, and here is why. Those first few weeks and months are so important for building bonds between mother and baby. These bonds are crucial for healthy development of the baby, and they also help moms recovery from labor/birth. A baby needs more than just food to thrive. They need touch, sound, emotional support etc. They are brand new to this world and they need some time to figure things out too. We can't expect a newborn to fit perfectly into our world right away. They need time, just like mom needs time to adjust to baby. Those first few months should be all about attachment, and this advice is all about detachment. Dr. Harvey Karp makes an interesting point in his book Happiest Baby on the Block (which i highly recommend!) that there are some countries where colic doesn't even exist. I think this due in part to our parenting style in America versus other countries. We are quick to detach mom and baby. Baby needs to be "independent" as soon as possible and I think this idea has backfired on us. I remember as a new mom that I liked being home. I wanted to hold my baby as often as I could. I have had other moms tell me this same thing and it can be vary confusing if you feel like you want to do one thing while all the advice is telling you something different. I think it comes back to the idea of sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to be home all the time those first few weeks. It is a sacrifice to respond quickly and consistently to babies needs. It is a sacrifice to get up at night instead of letting baby cry, but I think we need to encourage moms to make those sacrifices for the sake of their child. I have a friend who recently had a baby. They had some trouble nursing at first so this mom spent the first few days pumping and feeding her baby with a spoon so that they could have a better chance at success with nursing. This mom sacrificed time and energy to do what she felt was going to be the best thing for her baby. And instead of being told " Wow that is an awesome sacrifice on your part. I really hope you can be successful with nursing after all the effort you have put into it. Is there anything we can do to help In the meantime?" she was told," Yeah that happened to us to. You should just do formula, it's easier. Thats what we did.". My heart broke for this mom when she told me that. She is trying to do what she thinks is best for her baby and instead of being supported and encouraged she is told to take the easy way out. Moms we need to encourage each other to make those sacrifices even when times are tough. Let's support each other, not hinder.
So with all that said, this is the advice I would give to new moms. Hold your baby as often as you want. Don't worry about schedules. The time for that will come later. Right now just enjoy your new baby, and as a mom be your babies greatest source of comfort. Pick them up when they cry, hold them, feed them, and give them as much attention as you can. They are dependent on you for more than just food.
Show them that you are near, and you hear them, and that you care. This is time you will never get back, and this stage does not last forever. I have never heard a mom says she wished she had held her baby less, but I have heard moms says they wished they had held
their babies more. It is a sacrifice, but I think it is a sacrifice you will not regret.
