Advice to New Moms

Before I begin this post I just want to make one thing clear. As I venture into the realm of parenting I know many people may not agree with me. Parenting is a very touchy issue for whatever reason. So again these are only my opinions that I have formed during my time as a mother and from talking with other mothers. Feel free to disagree but please keep an open mind. I encourage you to do your own research and find what others are saying as well. Remember it should be about what is best for our kids.

Being a new mom can be scary and challenging at times. I am sure we have all received advice about what to do with our babies, some good, some not so good. As I reflect back on the advice I have heard given to me and to others there seems to be 3 that are becoming more common. They are let your baby cry themselves to sleep, put baby on a feeding schedule, and get some time out of the house away from baby. Now I think all of these things have a place in parenting at some point, but I do not think that place is in the first few weeks or months after baby is born, and here is why. Those first few weeks and months are so important for building bonds between mother and baby. These bonds are crucial for healthy development of the baby, and they also help moms recovery from labor/birth. A baby needs more than just food to thrive. They need touch, sound, emotional support etc. They are brand new to this world and they need some time to figure things out too. We can't expect a newborn to fit perfectly into our world right away. They need time, just like mom needs time to adjust to baby. Those first few months should be all about attachment, and this advice is all about detachment. Dr. Harvey Karp makes an interesting point in his book Happiest Baby on the Block (which i highly recommend!) that there are some countries where colic doesn't even exist. I think this due in part to our parenting style in America versus other countries. We are quick to detach mom and baby. Baby needs to be "independent" as soon as possible and I think this idea has backfired on us. I remember as a new mom that I liked being home. I wanted to hold my baby as often as I could. I have had other moms tell me this same thing and it can be vary confusing if you feel like you want to do one thing while all the advice is telling you something different. I think it comes back to the idea of sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to be home all the time those first few weeks. It is a sacrifice to respond quickly and consistently to babies needs. It is a sacrifice to get up at night instead of letting baby cry, but I think we need to encourage moms to make those sacrifices for the sake of their child. I have a friend who recently had a baby. They had some trouble nursing at first so this mom spent the first few days pumping and feeding her baby with a spoon so that they could have a better chance at success with nursing. This mom sacrificed time and energy to do what she felt was going to be the best thing for her baby. And instead of being told " Wow that is an awesome sacrifice on your part. I really hope you can be successful with nursing after all the effort you have put into it. Is there anything we can do to help In the meantime?" she was told," Yeah that happened to us to. You should just do formula, it's easier. Thats what we did.". My heart broke for this mom when she told me that. She is trying to do what she thinks is best for her baby and instead of being supported and encouraged she is told to take the easy way out. Moms we need to encourage each other to make those sacrifices even when times are tough. Let's support each other, not hinder.

So with all that said, this is the advice I would give to new moms. Hold your baby as often as you want. Don't worry about schedules. The time for that will come later. Right now just enjoy your new baby, and as a mom be your babies greatest source of comfort. Pick them up when they cry, hold them, feed them, and give them as much attention as you can. They are dependent on you for more than just food.
Show them that you are near, and you hear them, and that you care. This is time you will never get back, and this stage does not last forever. I have never heard a mom says she wished she had held her baby less, but I have heard moms says they wished they had held
their babies more. It is a sacrifice, but I think it is a sacrifice you will not regret.

A Model for Motherhood

Many woman have mothers they look up to and want to emulate. We all need these role models, but I believe that as a Christian Jesus is our model that we should strive to follow. There are many thing about Jesus/ Christianity that I think are important when it comes to motherhood and parenting. The first is love. Good parenting requires that sense of love and well being for our kids. It is the attitude of truly wanting what is best for our kids. Thankfully I think this comes easily for moms. The second thing that I feel is important in raising kids is having the mind of Christ. In Phillipians 2 we read that we should do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, and that we are not to just look out for our own interests (loose paraphrase here;). Obviously the context of this is not about parenting, but I think it is a principle that should be applied to all areas of our life, kids included. This one I think is a little bit hard for us to do. Yes we love our kids to death but sometime our own selfish motives can creep into our parenting. All our discipline, training, and teaching should be for the benefit of the child, not so we can look good as parents. Wether it is wanting our kids to do something a specific way, or wanting more sleep at night for ourselves, etc. etc. I think we must beware of not letting selfish motives creep into our parenting. Believe me I am as guilty as the next, so I have certainly not perfected this! The last thing that I believe is critical in our Christian lives that should flow into our parenting is self sacrifice. Jesus was the ultimate example of self sacrifice and we are called to die daily as well. I think that if we are truly loving and unselfish, self sacrifice should easily flow out of that. Any parent will tell you that raising kids is a sacrifice, and I believe it is essential to view how we raise our kids in light of sacrifice.

A woman is a mother before her child is ever born. Once she is pregnant, she is a mother and the sacrifices begins. This is one reason I spent so much time talking about birth, because i believe it can have a profound impact on mom and baby. Sadly I think it gets neglected when we discuss motherhood, but it is a vital part of motherhood. It is one of the most sacrificial acts a mother performs. I want women to see pregnancy and birth as part of being a mother, not that motherhood starts after birth. I think I have stated my opinions clearly that I believe natural birth is best 1) because God designed women with the ability to birth without medication or intervention ( though I realize it is necessary in some circumstances) and 2) that naturally birth as the most health benefits for baby and mom. But I want this to be about more than that. I want women to be informed about their decisions when it comes to all aspects of motherhood. Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting with the ideas of love, selflessness, and sacrifice in mind, and I think you will find much joy and satisfaction in motherhood.

Clarifications

Hello All!
This post is in response to a friend who had some concerns with my last blog post (Hopital, birthing center, or home birth...). So please let me clarify a few things. I may have come across too strongly, making it sound like where you choose to give birth is a moral issue. I do not believe that. I believe a woman has the right to choose where and how she gives birth. I do belive that the how question is more important than the where question, and how is what should influence a women's decision about where to birth.

If a woman isn't convinced that she wants a natural birth, that is totally her choice. I feel that the truth issue comes into play with my belief that God made women able to give birth without the aid of pain medicine. This is what I'm trying to say when I say I belive it is God's design for women. I do not mean it is God's will, just that He physically/ biologically designed women with that ability. Yes the curse made it harder but it did not take the ability away. That doesn't mean they have to do it that way though! I just want women to feel empowered. That they can do it naturally if they chose to. To go through that pain and agony, then to come out on the other side knowing what I had just accomplished was one of the greatest moments of my life. I contribute that sense of abilty and accomplishment to God and His design. So I do feel like it is based on truth, but I do not feel that it is a moral issue. I feel that our modern view of birth as not helped women to see and grasp their own potential. So I am a litle "anti-establishment" for that reason, and I'm sorry if it came across too strongly. I tend to do that when I am passionate about something! I want women to weigh their choices and not just chose something because it is what is expected in our society. Women you have an amazing God given ability. I do not want to offend but encourage. So thank you friend (you know who you are!) for your concerns. I hope these clarifications will put any fears or misunderstandings to rest.

Carrie

Hospital, Birthing Center, or Home birth... is that the question?

Whenver you talk about birth, the question of where a woman gives birth always comes up. Should it be at a hospital, birthing center, or at home? Now I will admit that I am biased when it comes to this question because I had a great experience at a birthing center. I know dozens of women who also had wonderful experiences at birthing centers. I know lots of women who have had hospital births. Some were fine with their experience, and others were not. Of course you don't hear women talking about how they loved their hospital experience, but you do hear it about birthing centers. Hhmm... I know 3 women who have had homebirths, but that is as far as my experience goes with that. Now my bias aside, I feel like this is the wrong question to be asking. The question should be how you birth, not where. When I have talked with women about this I always tell them that if they are convinced that natural birth is best for mom and baby and that is how they want to devilver, then they need to put themselves in a place that supports that. If they don't care about natural birth, then they will most likely be delivering at a hospital because that is pretty much the only place that will give them pain medication. Birthing Centers (and home births) are designed to help a woman labor and deliver naturally. In most cases this is where a woman will get the support and reassurance she needs to be succesful in labor and delivery without pain medicine. Now it is possible to give birth naturally in a hospital. In fact I know 6 or 7 women who have done it. But I do believe this is very much NOT the norm! In my opinion, hospitals don't really care if you give birth naturally or not.. in fact they may prefer if you don't because then they have a little more control over the timing if it all. I had a friend who wanted to give birth naturally. She discussed this with her doctor, and they seemed to be on the same page. 1 day past her due date her doctor wanted to induce her because he thought the baby was going to be over 8 lbs. Of course once pitocin was used it made it virtually impossible for her to labor naturally. She recieved an epidural (who can blame her in this case?) and when the baby was born, it weighed under 7 lbs. All that intervention when it wasn't needed and it ruined her abilty to labor naturally. The doctor was clearly not on the same page. May I remind you that baby size doesn't always matter when it comes to natural birth. My daught was 8lbs 12oz. In fact I know one mother who choose to deliver naturally in a hospital. She pushed for over 5 hours because her baby's head was so big. But he was born naturally and afterward her doctor told her that she saved herself a c-section by doing it naturally. If she wouldn't have had feeling (an epidural), she wouldn't have been able to deliever him. Again I think it goes back to the mindset of women can't do it, and that mindset is found in hospitals more often than in birthing centers or at home births. The national average for c-sections is about 30%. Every hospital and birthing center will have their own stats. When I delievered my daughter the hospital's c-section rate was about 20%, and my birthing center had a 4% transfer rate and a 2% c-section rate. Meaning that out of the 4% of women who were transfered to a hospital, half of that 4% had a c-section! I am much more comfortable with those numbers! 2% compared to 20%? I think it is a great testimony to the birthing center.

Birthing centers and home births are most often attended by midwives. And of course everyone always asks the question, "what if something goes wrong?" If you have had a heathly, normal pregnancy, there is no reason to expect anything to go wrong. And IF somehing did go wrong, midwives are prepared to do what is necessary to get you and baby what you need. There are some high risk women who can't birth out of hospital. And midwives know this. I think people assume that midwives just take anybody, anywhere, anytime and they have no concept of what might be dangerous or not. Let me remind you that all that a midwife does surrounds birth. They are experts in normal birth. They don't take foolish risks, and they don't pretend to be able to handle things outside the range of their ability. If you come across a midwife who does do these things, then you need to find a different one. And I will say the same thing for any doctor as well.


This is all based on the experiences and conversations I have had with other women. I am convinced that natural birth is God's design for women, and it is filled with tremendous blessings. A woman needs to be supported and encouraged in her decision to birth naturally because it is not the norm for our society and culture. So my advice is find where to birth, by seeing who will support how you want to birth. That might end up being in a hospital, birthing center, or at home. Sadly I think most women make this choice bast on their insurance rather than their own well-being. (side note: Birthing centers and home births are usually much cheaper than hospitals, even without insurance!) Every woman should look into the options available to her. Check their birthing stats and records, find the team of peole you feel will do the best job. Don't settle for what everyone else is doing. This is your birth and your baby. Make it what you want it to be.

Carrie

God Given Pain - Genesis 3

You can't talk about birth and God without talking about Genesis 3! This Bible passage is what we often call the fall and the curses that followed. I remember when I was young I always thought Eve (and thus women) got the raw end of the deal. We have to have kids, and it's going to hurt? Adam just had to pull weeds. I think many woman today still think this. We got the raw end of the stick and pain in childbirth is not natural and is part of the fallen world. But there is something I would like to point out to all of us mothers. Genesis 3:16 says that God will increase your pain in childbirth (or multiply depending on your translation). It does not say cause, or creat pain, but increase, thus implying that childbirth probably had some pain associated with it BEFORE the fall. So in a perfect sinless world, childbirth would still hurt? Yes. The question is why? We live in a society that fears pain. We want a pill, a cure, anything to take away pain or discomfort. But God created pain for a very good reason. What would happen if we could not feel pain? We could seriously hurt ourselves, bleed to death, etc, etc, if we could not feel pain. If Adam cut his finger before the fall, would he have felt it? Yes. Pain in chlidbirth has its place as well. Pain gives certain indicators during labor. A woman can sense where in her labor she is by what she is feeling and her body response by doing what is most comforting and thus the most helpful during labor. Even the difference between labor contractions and pushing contractions shows that pain increase or decrease helps a woman's body know what to do. It is also pain in labor that releases endorphines during labor. No pain would mean no endorphines, or adreanaline, all which are essential during labor. God created pain to be a part of childbirth before the fall. We should not view it as unnatural. One more reason I think God created some form of pain during childbirth is that a woman feels like she has accomplished so much more when she has had to work for her child to be born. I believe this sense of accomplishment can help a mother to bond with her new born child. Have you ever had to work, and work at a project? When it was finally done, didn't it feel great to finally finish it. All your hard work, time, and effort finally paid off. I think it is exactly the same with birth. Some comentators think that the word "pain" in Gen. 3:16 has the same root as the word "toil" and it should be understood to mean "burdensome labor" or hard work. God is going to make you have to work harder to have kids now. It may not be about physical pain at all. One other commentator I read said that the pain in childbirth that Eve would experience was more about raising her kids. She will see the affects of her own sin played out in the lives of her own kids, and that will be painful.

This is by no means a full treatment of the passage, but just my own relfections on it. I have come to believe that women did not get the worst of the curse/fall. Having children is hard work (thus why we still call it labor), and there are parts that can be painful. But the pain has its place and it has not made it impossible to give birth. Besides having a baby is one of the biggest blessings I have ever experienced. The work/pain is temporary but the blessing far outways it, and that is how God made it. Through our curse as women we get to experience one of the greatest joys imaginable. Because of Adam, all of creation is now cursed and broken until Jesus returns. So, I don't think we got the raw end of the deal anymore. ;)

Articles on natural childbirth

Here are some great articles about the benefits of natural birth. It's good to hear it from other sources besides me! :). While reading these, just remember that childbirth was God's plan and design from the beginning. (you may have to copy and paste the links to your browser)

This article is about why natural childbirth is best and it describes the process of natural birth
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595040/


This article is about the benefits of natural childbirth
http://www.bygpub.com/natural/natural-childbirth.


These last two articles are about the negative interaction between medication during childbirth and breastfeeding

http://www.naturalnews.com/028010_birth_drugs_brstfeeding.html

http://www.NaturalNews.com/021276_brstfeeding_childbirth.html


Carrie

The Problem of Civilized Birth

I am using the term civilized birth simply to refer to the way our modern society (and medicine) views birth . This attempt at civilizing birth I believe has had a negative impact on women and God's design for them. First, our modern medicine views women as weak. Women are not expected to be able to give birth naturally. It is assumed they can't do it. I had a friend whose doctor told her that he has only every had 1 woman give birth naturally in all his years of practicing medicine. He did not tell her this to praise the 1 woman, but to give evidence to his belief that most women can't do it natrually. This view of women being weak as leaked into the minds of the women as well. Most women today are afraid of birth, and they too think they can't do it. Fear is contagious, and what most woman don't know is that fear can have a very negative impact on your abiltiy to give birth. If you don't believe you can do it, well you probably won't do it. Shall we call it self-fullfilling prophecy? God did not make women weak. In fact He gave them one of the hardest task in all of creation. That is to be able to have children! And not just 1 but mutiple! Being a mother is hard work, before, during ,and after a baby is born and God gave this job to women because He designed them to do it. Women are not created weak and we do them a great disservice when we discourage them from what they were made to do in the first place.

The second problem I see with our modren view of birth is that a birth is viewed as an illness instead of a natural process. Can you tell me of any other natural biological function that you have to go to the hospital for? Most see birth as a potential for disasster not a potential for blessing. Can things go wrong? Yes. But should we always expect them to go wrong? No. Do you go to the hospital every time you have a headache, or have to go to the bathroom, or even sneeze? They all have the potential to go wrong somehow, but we don't expect them to so we don't go to the hospital everytime a normal biological function occurs. AGain, this is what God made women to do! She is not sick, and birth is not some freak disaster waiting to happen! It is normal, and natural.

The final issue I have with our modern view of birth is that too often procedure and process become more important than mother and baby. When a woman is admited to the hopital she is hooked up to monitors, and possibly ivs (and sometimes even more things!) which instanly restrict her movement and abilty to labor in any position she chooses. She is limited and restrained because this is procedure. My sister-in-law had a slow labor with her first child. She went to the hospital on a Saturday. She was not far enough along so they did not admit her, but they told her to not eat or drink anything. She returned to the hospital a few more times, only to be sent home again each time with the reminder to not eat. This went on until Monday! 3 days!! A pregant mother about to give birth and she is told to fast for 3 days! Why? Because this is procedure. And you wonder why her labor was not progressing? I understand that some procedures and procceses are there for a reason, but too often the mother becomes a slave to the procedure rather than the procedure serving her.

Now I do not want people to misunderstand me. There are a number of things that modern medicine has given us that are incredible. I know there would be many mothers and babies who would not be here if it wasn't for our modern technologies. My main issue is not with the high risk births, but with our average healthy prenancy and birth. According to the CIA's website, the US is ranked 178 out of 224 countries for our infant mortality rate (1 being the highest rate, 224 the lowest). That means that there are 46 countries in this world with better infant mortality rates than us. Of course the way I have heard medical professions talk you'd think we would be the best in the world! But we are not. Our national c-section rate is around 30%!! We do not seem to be helping women, but hindering them. We have not helped women to grasp God's plan for them. Instead we have made them afraid of what is normal and natural, and they have become slaves to our modern ways. I want women to find freedom and joy in what God has in store for them. Women should not be chained to our societies views of birth, but to God's.

My Story

I thought I would start by giving my story of how I became so passionate about birth (specifically, natural birth). I remember from about Highschoool on, I always wondered what having a baby would be like. I wanted to experience it, but then again maybe not. The competitive side of me wanted to do it with no drugs if possible, but the other side of me was terrified of it! Even up until I was married and actually thinking about having kids, I was undecided as to what I wanted. Then my sister and her husband became pregnant, and they chose to use a midwife and birthing center. What? No hospital? I didn't even know that was an option! And I had never even heard of someone using a midwife before. Their decision seems to fit them well, but my husband and I were cautiously skeptical. It intrigued me even though I was undecided about the whole thing. So I decided to make my sister my guinea pig (whether she knew it or not!). I wanted to wait and see what her experience was before I made any kind of decision. I thought the same thing that everyone does, "what is something goes wrong?" Well my sister had a healthy pregnancy, a healthy delivery, and a healthy baby boy, all natural. I remember her telling me over and over how safe and comfortable she felt in the care of her midwives. She learned so much, and loved every minute of it. I remember her telling me that while she was in labor and they were on their way to the birthing center, everything changed once they got there. She said she walked in the door, and all her stress and anxiety melted away. She knew she was going to be taken care of. So not only did her stroy have an impact on me, but we got the chance to visit her at the birthing center. Both me and my husband were shocked when we walked through the doors. It was incredible! It was nice, clean, comfortable, welcoming, and more inviting than any hospital I have ever been in! After that my husband and I both decided this is what we want for when we had kids.

So the time came when I became pregnant. I knew what I wanted by this time, but we still went in for an interview with the midwife. If I had any doubts before she put them all to rest. I remember her saying things like, "Birth can have a huge impact on how a family begins. It can start you on the right or wrong foot very easily," "I don't deliever the baby, YOU deliever the baby," and " GIving birth is a huge accomplishment, you should have a little bragging rights." I loved her attitude and her compitance. The birthing class we chose to do was the Bradley Method. Through this class and our time with our midwives I began to see that I was totally and completley capable of giving birth naturally. God designed me (and all women) physically, mentally, and emotionally to give birth. I had all that was necessary simply because I was a woman! This was God's plan all along. Birth wasn't something to fear, or avoid, it was what God intend from the very beginning. Our Bradley class was not a bible based class, but i felt that the ideas and principles behind it fit easily into God's design for women, men, and families. I trully felt by giving birth naturally I was fulfilling God's desire for me and my baby.

I had a 23 hour labor. My contractions where 3 minutes apart from when labor started. It was a long, long labor! But I am here to tell you that it can be done. I did the entire thing naturally, and I would never go back on my decision. I loved my experience, and the blessings far out way any benefit I would have gained if I had chosen to numb the pain. This is why I am so passionate about natural birth. It has had a profound impact on me and many other woman that I know. I know many women can't have a natural birth for medical reasons, but I trully feel that this is God's original design for women, and we miss out on the blessings if we choose a different path just to avoid pain.

Here we go!

Well, here it goes! I have never blogged before but I was recently inspired by my sister to do so. I have become very passionate about childbirth, and childrearing since the birth of my daughter Ada. She is now almost 2, but my passion is still going strong. I am a Christian. My husband is a full-time minister, and we are constantly helping and ministering to families. I have been very sad to see the lack of resources for Christian women out there when it comes to God's design for childbirth and parenting. Sadly, most things that are packaged as Christian are far from it, I believe. Though there are some bright spots out there. Ultimately I would like to write a book, but that would take years of study, research, and writing which I don't have time for right now! So in the mean time I will blog so I don't explode! Know that the things I post will be coming from my perspective as a Christian, a graduate of Boise Bible College, the wife of a MA in New Testament, and of course as a mother. I gladly welcome Christian and non-Christians alike to follow my rantings and ravings!