Being a stay at home mom had always been something I wanted to do. My mom stayed at home and she really showed me the value of it and she encouraged me to do the same. My husband and I were very intentional to arrange our life in a way that would allow me to stay home with our kids. Now any stay at home mom knows how hard of a job it actually is. No leisure days with Bon bons that's for sure. I honestly don't think it always feels that rewarding when your kids are small. Sure there are blessings along the way, but I think the rewards come later in life once you see the fruit of your hard work in your kids.
There are a lot of challenges to being a stay at home mom. We have society telling us that women need to fulfill there own dreams and desires first, then find a way to fit family into that. There is pressure to "do something" or "be someone" other than just a mom. The way of self sacrifice is never easy, but being a mom who chooses to give up her own pursuits for a time so that she can give that time to her children is a beautiful thing. I believe God made women to find their greatest fulfillment in the role of wife and mother. Now of course there are women who can't stay home for whatever reason (single parent, financial problems, etc.). I am in no way implying that they are bad mothers. So please do not misunderstand me.
Another challenge that some stay at home moms face is the boredom (for lack of a better word) that comes with being in the same place doing the same thing day after day. They long for some kind of change or some freedom for a little while. Now I will be very honest. I too have longed for this freedom from responsibility, but I feel that my greatest struggle with being a stay at home mom is quite different than this. I always felt a pressure to be doing things or going places. Surely I should be going to ballet and soccer and some church function every other day right? And if I don't have 3 play dates a week my kids will end up being unsocial won't they? Forget that my oldest is only 3 we need to be busy busy! I could some up the pressure this way... "Being a stay at home mom is good, but to be a really good stay at home mom you had better be so busy with activities that your not ever really home. Keep up your social life and make sure kids have a social life too!"
My husband and I have tried to arrange our life to be as unhurried as possible. We want to live simply, but this seems to fly in the face of our society, even in the church. Most of the stay at home moms i knew were always doing things and going places. My life at home looked so different from theirs that i thought maybe i was doing something wrong at first! When I was pregnant with our second child I had begun to pull out of all the various ministries I was involved in. When I was about 6 months pregnant I had finally pulled out of all my ministry responsibilities. It was only a few weeks later that I was asked to help out in a different ministry area. The phrase they used was "since your not doing anything else...". I thought "that is exactly the point!" If I truly want to focus on my kids I can't be doing tons of extra things. I felt a pressure to be always doing something else than just staying home.
Now I know that some of this is my personality. I prefer to stay home than be going tons of places, but it is also intentional. I want to be in our home majority of the time especially when my kids are little. Home is where I the parent have the time to teach, train, and discipline. I want to be my kids primary instructor in life, but that will only happen if we have a solid relationship together and that relationship takes lots of time to develop. There is always time later for activities, but if you miss the time to create a lasting relationship, you can't get that back. There is nothing wrong with getting out of the house, or going to see friends, play sports, etc. I just think these things should not consume the majority of our time with our kids.
So when the pressure comes to go go go, I have to remind myself that it is ok to live slowly and simply. God loves me even if my kids aren't in 4 different sports at once. And then when the feeling of needing some freedom comes, we will find creative ways to get out and have fun. In our family it isn't about balance, but about focus. Choose wisely where you want to spend your time. It is time you can never get back.
For those moms who read this I would love to hear some of your stories/struggles of motherhood. Feel free to leave a comment!
Carrie, I loved this. I can relate to what you are saying. This is something that I have struggled with the last two years since our daughter was born. The church where my husband was previously employed the pastor had a completely different view on motherhood. I was told (by the pastor) that I was not a proverbs 31 women because I did not work out side of the home. I was also told that I was lazy because I choose to stay at home with my daughter. (I was also told a LOT of other things regarding our life, marriage, and raising kids, but I won't go into that). After two years of hearing this there were times I would question if what I was doing was what God wanted me to do. Thankfully God answered with a yes. Like your family, our family has intentionally arranged our lives so that I can stay home with our children. I in turn see this as my job. Now I may not get paid but the results of the time invested in our children is priceless. We may not ever have a new fancy house, drive a new car, or wear the latest fashions, but what we do have God has blessed. There are times when I struggle with being "busy". I some times think that... well am I being lazy if I am not go go go all the time??? And I can answer that question with... No, I am not lazy and I don't have to go go go all the time just to feel like I am not lazy. It is very unfortunate that today’s culture puts so much importance on your title, salary, etc... and not on relationships. And it is really sad that this idea has creped into the church and that we have people in authority making women feel less important because they choose to be a stay at home mom. It's frustrating to me to say the least. Thankfully, we are now serving at a church where the people in authority DO NOT share that same opinion as our previous pastor. I know that my identity is with Christ and I am a child of God, my importance comes from that not from the title behind my name (even though Wife, and Mother are pretty important). :-) I enjoy being around people and working in Ministry and teaching my children to serve others but I also really enjoy being Home and the time I get with my child at home. I recently read a great book called, "courage and calling". I realized that what I am doing right now is what God has called me to do with this day and this time. When our children are grown it may be something else but that I need to embrace it no matter what anyone else thinks because God is the only person's who opinion really matters. It's so simple but it has put a lot of peace in my heart and it has made me a better wife and mother. I think it can be hard for some people to understand what a stay at home mom actually does. It really is hard work. We don't get days off (we are lucky to get a 5 minute break), we are always "on the clock", we don't get days off, we don't get sick pay (or even time to be sick), but what we do get is knowing that we have the most important job in the world and what we are doing will last an eternity. Not many people can say that. I admire the boundaries you have set for your family and that you stick to them and will not compromise who you really are. That's awesome. :-) Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWow thank you! Glad to know I'm not the only one who had this struggle. So glad you are able to find peace and joy about staying home with your kids. It really is the hardest yet best job in the world!
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